The Liberation of Acting Out of Character
The Liberation of Acting Out of Character
The former UK prime minister Margaret Thatcher famously changed her Lincolnshire accent to come across as higher class. I have friends who moved to the big city to pursue their careers and consciously changed their accents as well so that they would not be discriminated against. I did the same, while living in Germany and the US - I always focused on getting the accent and idioms right, instead of the grammar, because I knew that sounding "like them" would increase my chances of being accepted.
In the business world, we also mold ourselves to fit expectations. With time, we can get trapped in the personas we've crafted for success. It’s as if we’re playing a character in a movie, except that this character (caricature?) solidifies and gets stuck to us, like a second skin. We meet or even exceed on expectations, but in the privacy of our world, life can feel just a little bit... plastic.
But what if the key to truly impactful leadership lies in doing the opposite – in daring to act out of character?
The Danger of Covering
Covering is a widespread phenomenon in the business world. It's the way we modify ourselves to be accepted by those around us. Like a TV anchor getting a nose job based on audience feedback, we alter our physicality, our speech, or our behaviors to fit in.
But this constant self-modification comes at a cost. It drains our energy, stifles our creativity, and along the way we can forget who we really are. More critically for leaders, it impairs our ability to innovate and adapt when our tried-and-true methods stop working.
“A covering culture can have harmful effects on individuals: 74 percent of workers report being negatively impacted in some way by the need to cover at their organization”, according to this Deloitte report.
The Fascination of Authenticity
I once knew a leader at a large organization who successfully rejected covering any aspect of who she was. The way she dressed was unique, the words she used were unique, her accent was unique. The result? Whenever she spoke, we were captivated. It wasn't just what she said, it was her way of being: an authenticity that fascinated everyone she interacted with.
The teams led by this person were high performing and she was often tapped to lead important initiatives and business units. I believe that her authenticity and refusal to “fit in” were a crucial factor. Her different-ness commanded attention and respect. More than that, people felt emboldened to be themselves as well.
Acting Out of Character
I confess I got a bit tired of this word, "authenticity". It's used so much these days that it's lost freshness. At the end of the day, this is what I’m talking about: being real in the workplace. How can we overcome the fear of showing our imperfections, of being rejected? One way that works for me is to engage in deliberate acts of character rebellion.
Let me share a personal story to illustrate:
I was once lost on a mountaintop with my boyfriend. It was hot, I was hungry, and I was frustrated and annoyed that he had forgotten to bring along a trail map. I felt the anger accumulate and rise up in my body, along with a strong urge to berate him for his lack of preparation. We were completely alone, no other humans around to ask for help or directions. Just blue sky, trees and animals. In a split second of sanity, I realized that this was a rare moment in life. When would I be so completely hidden from the human gaze again? Without thinking much, I decided to do something I would never, ever do in public. (Warning: some readers may be shocked): I took off my shirt and bared myself to the mountain, yelling at the top of my lungs.
It was liberating. I had never done that before. But it was a game changer for me and my boyfriend. This out of character move shifted our whole energy. We laughed out loud, we hugged, we recovered our wits and went on with trying to find our way again. (Which we eventually did).
Sometimes, the most authentic thing to do is to act contrary to our established character.
I often invite my coaching clients to practice this at work and at home. The mantra is “whatever you feel compelled to do, don't”. Extraverts default to listening, rather than being the first to speak. Introverts default to speaking up their unfinished thoughts, instead of staying quiet. By interrupting a well worn pattern, we open the space for magic to happen.
On the surface, acting out of character may sound like the opposite of being authentic. But in truth, it’s about giving room for your spontaneity and unsocialized self to come out. It’s a practice to restore your freedom to be, so that you can lead more from that place.
Practical Strategies for Acting Out of Character
Here are some practical ways to incorporate this into your leadership:
Identify your habits: List two or three of your "tried and true" leadership practices. If you always lead with data, lead with emotion. If you're known for your serious demeanor, inject humor into a meeting. Now that you have your target habits, experiment.
Start relatively small: Choose situations where the stakes aren't too high, but high enough that you care. For instance, my habit is to consult widely before making a decision, which is great for fostering inclusion and adoption of change, but this habit has also makes me doubt myself when making decisions. Recently, I had a good work opportunity come my way, which meant creating something from scratch, but with potential to generate future business. Except that I wasn’t feeling excited about it. I thought of referring a colleague / competitor, but I was worried that this would hurt my practice- the market for this work is small and I am a newcomer. Usually, I would consult with trusted advisors to untangle the dilemma. This time, I decided on my own, and just communicated my decision to those involved. The result? I saved a lot of energy and time. I don’t know whether the colleague I referred ended up getting more opportunities with this client. What I do know, and was pleasantly surprised to find out, is that… I don’t care. Who knew. By acting out of character, I learned that many decisions aren’t actually as consequential as they appear.
Embrace the heat: acting out of character will feel awkward at first. Take note of that - and then do it anyway. My dance teacher calls it "walking through fire to finish the show". When you push through the initial unease you are updating your brain's map of what is or is not possible. Observe how it changes your interactions and outcomes.
Reflect on results: After your experiments, take time to review the outcomes. Did acting differently lead to any positive changes or new insights? How did it affect your team's response or the overall energy of the situation? Don't skip this step: this is when you get to update your view of who you really are vs the character you play.
If you’ve been successful in your organization by behaving a certain way, then acting out of character could be one of the scariest things you’ll do. I like to think of our habitual persona as this cat sitting placidly on our lap that we’ve been petting for years. Typically, it’s when life gets interrupted - a board meeting gone wrong, a failed investment, a divorce- that we get shaken up and question who we are. Rather than wait until an external shock, we owe it to ourselves and to those we serve to continually reach into our depths and beyond our masks. Your capacity to do this can change your life.
The Benefits of Acting Out of Character
After a few years of performing as a flamenco dancer, I developed a preferred style that I used consistently and successfully for a long time. Then one day, I was invited to perform with artists I didn't know well. Shortly before going on stage, as is the practice in traditional flamenco, we huddled quickly to co-create the show flow. It quickly became clear that I was the weakest link, and due to my limited repertoire other dancers had to take up more sets than their fair share. I had focused so much on making my performances work that I had neglected my relationship to the art itself, and had stopped evolving as a dancer.
Acting out of character is about expanding your repertoire as a leader, and as a result:
You become more adaptable: By practicing different behaviors, you increase your ability to respond effectively to a wider range of situations.
You inspire authenticity in others: When you show your true self, quirks and all, you create a safe space for your colleagues and team to do the same.
You stimulate creativity and innovation: Breaking out of established patterns can lead to new ideas and approaches.
You develop resilience: Discomfort and change become a natural part of life. You are stronger and have more vitality because the energy you used to spend keeping it together is now available to create the change you want.
You open the path to self-mastery: Each out-of-character act is a brick on the road to knowing who you truly are, beyond what your boss, your loved ones, or TV advertising tell you to be.
So, this is my challenge to you: In your next leadership moment, try something others would not expect from you.
Watch how it changes the landscape of your leadership.
And again, acting out of character isn't about changing who you are at your core. It's about expanding your range, just like a pianist uses the entire keyboard to make music. In the end, the most impactful and successful leaders are those who can bring their entire range to each moment- responding, connecting and inspiring others by being real.
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